last night, as i was whipping up a half-baked cookie (if you haven't tried it, you are dead to me),
i realized that today is my last day being a mom of just one. 

of course i had realized this before, but it really hit me that today is my last day with just arthur, and it broke my heart a little bit. i'm so excited for hugo, i really am, 

but i'm so sad that this time with just me and arthur is over. 

he's the best little boy any mom could ask for. i feel bad that he had to be the first, 

that our first shot at being parents was with him. he deserves so much better than us, but i'm so glad he's ours. we spent a day away from him once, and you would think it had been weeks. 

i can't imagine life without this little boy. i've been trying to make our "last day" together fun, but all i want to do is hug and squeeze and kiss him!
i just hope i can someday be the mom that deserves him. and i hope that he knows how much i will always love him, no matter how many other kids come along.
i try to imagine life with two kids, but it's really hard. i don't know what these next few years will bring but i'm so glad that arthur will be with me. he is like sunshine, for real.
chubbs always tells me that hugo will be just as perfect because god loves me and gives me everything i want. he's not wrong. i have never done a thing to deserve chubbs or arthur, but somehow they are both mine and i couldn't be luckier.
whether hugo is perfect or not, we will love him to death, and hopefully arthur will too.
maybe he'll get a best friend out of all of this. the reason we had them so close together was so that arthur would get a sidekick and a wing man and an adventure buddy. and vice versa.
there's no knowing how they'll take to each other, but hopefully they're just what the other needs.
i'm so nervous, but i'm also so excited to see how these next few years play out. we all have ideas or hopes of how they'll go, but there's never any way of knowing.
we'll do our best with these two little boys,
and hopefully they will look back on it all with fond memories.
i love being arthur's mom. life without him might have been easier, but it wasn't better and i wouldn't go back for anything. i can't imagine not seeing his squinty eyed smile or getting a slobbery, stinky breath kiss every time i go to get him from bed.
i love spending my days with him and i know i'm going to be one of those moms that cries on the first day of school and counts down the minutes until he comes home. i just love the kid.
i know this is all sappy and sentimental, but i'm pregnant and it's true. every word.
i need him. he really is such a special little boy, and i hope he can
cut me some slack these next few weeks as i figure out this whole two kids thing.
i'm really scared and nervous, but here we go...
see you tomorrow, hugo.

happy three year anniversary to this guy.
he's my best friend and my one true love.
i don't know how i got so lucky, but
these three years have been the best of my life
and it's all because of him.
he loves me when nobody ever should,
and he's always so good to me.
i wouldn't want to do all of this with anyone else.
since the second he walked through my door 9 years ago,
he's the one that's always on my mind.
i love him for finding me and for loving me and for marrying me.
i got the very best. 

i see all these women blog about their pregnancy essentials, and it makes me laugh. 

my pregnancy essentials:

1. chubbs

2. a place to sit

3. fruit

4. an occasional back rub

5. the cheapest stretch mark lotion i can find
(and it shows... i'm covered in them)

i, sadly, am not one of those moms that cherish every little movement and kick of the baby. 

it's really a love hate relationship i have with this little guy, and i know that's awful. i really do just hate being pregnant. maybe i'm the worst mom ever, or maybe everyone else is just pretending. i have tried to love the experience, but i just can't seem to do it. there is no denying the miracle that is pregnancy. i'm growing a little person inside of me, and that really is pretty cool. our bodies really are amazing. i guess i'm just a "can't-hack-it-panty-waist-who-wears-their-momma's-bra." what can you do?.... 

here's the thing about pregnancy. it stinks. 9 months is such a long time to be uncomfortable/in pain/miserable, and i don't have it half as bad as a lot of angel ladies i know. it is apparent that i am not a strong woman, but i guess i'm ok with that. you know that quote that says, "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured"? i am enduring. of course, i am also enjoying. i love my little family and i love my life. i just can't wait until i can actually enjoy this little guy with the rest of them. i'd rather get no sleep because of crying babies than get no sleep because i hurt. 

pregnancy is the pits. 

i found a blog recently that i really love. 

the day book blog

this lady is 25 and 9 months pregnant with her second kid.

she looks so good and i can't even believe it. 

she has been making a lot of posts about the Target Made to Matter line.

it has a ton of natural beauty products, and she talks about the ones she likes best. 

now, the only time i ever wash my face is on the days when i have to wash off mascara. 

we're talking maybe 2 days a week. 

luckily, my skin loves me when i'm pregnant, so it's not really a problem. i've never had great skin, but i almost never break out while i'm pregnant so it makes me feel like i must have nice skin?.... no. wrong. i don't.

this lady on the blog talks about skin care taking the place of make up. 

i never wear more than mascara these days, but i've been feeling bad about looking so homely while chubbs goes around always looking perfect. 

i've been considering investing in more than my one stick of mascara.

this lady's blog changed everything though. 

it's been a long time since i've felt anything but gross, and i feel like the end of this pregnancy will be like the start to a whole new life. so dramatic, i know.
guys, i don't even remember what it feels like to not be pregnant.

i really want to feel good about myself again, and i'm not saying having nice skin will do that, but it can certainly help. go look at the blog. her skin glows!

we're not rich, so i've only tried a couple of the things she shares, but have loved them both.

1. coconut oil
this stuff works wonders. i love it. who knew coconut oil fixed everything? i rub a little on my face a couple times a day, and my skin is looking great and feeling like a little arthur bum. what more can you want? plus, it just gives your skin a healthy glow, which is lovely.

2.  SheaMoisture Coconut and Hibiscus Body Lotion
this stuff smells like heaven and it feels like heaven and it works like heaven. i've only heard good things about SheaMoisture products, and i'm excited to try more of them. 

maybe one day i can try them all and look like an angel. chubbs can only hope.

well, i'm 38 weeks today. starting monday, i'm trying everything in the book to pop this kid out.

-jumping jacks
-lemon drop cupcakes
-eggplant parmesan
-abuelitas hot chocolate with lots of cream
(that's apparently what did it last time)

-clary sage essential oil
(the stuff stinks to high heaven)
-lots of walking

last night, we pre-registered at the hospital and packed our hospital bag. this is real and it's happening. i'm having a baby and i'm getting really nervous and excited.
life is really good.
thank goodness it can be so good, even when it's so bad.

here's to pushing out kids.

 to chubbs, 

thank you: 

for being the good man that you are.

for always trying to make good choices.

for loving me for 9 years and for forgiving me for being awful.

for that second first kiss that changed everything.

for marrying me.

for not asking too much, and for giving me so much slack (especially right now).

for pretending you like my love-handles, flabby thighs, and hairy legs.
for being so observant about everything except when i don't wear makeup
... and actually all of my many flaws.
for letting me listen to christmas music whenever i want.
for being excited about things only because you know how much i love them.
for knowing what i'm going to say before i say it.
for all of the "i love you"s and kisses.
for all of the time and sleep you sacrifice so we can have a good future.
for arthur and hugo and everything that comes with them.
for always being willing to help anyone who needs it.
for keeping your beard because i like it.
for never spending a night away from me.
for being a really really good dad.
for liking the food i make.
for being so accommodating to what i want.
for buying me roses when these hormones got the best of me.
for being exactly what i need.
for all the memories and for all of our dreams for the future.

i sure love you. 

i really could take pictures of him all day. we sure got lucky. and my gracious, what hair. 

it's fun to be a parent. i'm fairly certain that i had the best childhood a kid could have, and there's really nothing better than trying to give that to your own kid. it's so fun to watch him learn and grow and laugh and play. to see him copy everything. to see what he thinks is funny or cool or exciting. in a way it is like being a kid again and that's awesome. 

there is definitely plenty of worrying that comes with having a kid, but even that is good i think. it's kind of fun to worry about his future and how he'll turn out, just like it's fun to worry about our future as a family. there are always risks and doubts that come with planning for the future, but i love doing it. i love thinking about our future and everything that comes with it. growing up is hard, and taking on more and more responsibility is hard too, but there is too much good that comes with it that i wouldn't ever go back to being a kid again. i love that every time i roll over at night or have a dumb dream, chubbs is right next to me. i love waking up to arthur noises. i love making breakfast, lunch and dinner for my guys. i love that whenever i think about my future, they are always there too. and i really love that chubbs is the kind of guy who will make sure things work out even if life gets really hard. i never really have to worry too much about our life because i know he'll take care of us, and that feeling is too good to put into words. 

with hugo only three weeks away, i have been worrying a lot about life and how it will change. i like to think arthur will get a better mom once i'm not pregnant, but he'll also have a little brother that i've got to love and take care of. we've only done this whole thing once before and we were lucky enough to get the best baby in the world. i feel like we could never get so lucky again, so i'm preparing for the worst, but always hoping for the best! hugo, we'll sure love you, but you've got a lot to live up to. the moral of the story is, i'm having a baby and there really is nothing we can do about it. we'll do the best we can and hopefully everything will work out. 

i love you family.

anyway. rambler.