Benj, you have to read.

July 14, 1861
Washington D.C.
My
very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days — perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure — and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of
confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing — perfectly willing— to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows — when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children — is
it weak or dishonourable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death — and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honour that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.


Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield. The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honourable manhood around us.

I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me — perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar — that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night — amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours —always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit
passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again. As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters.

Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

My dear Lindsay,I'm so glad you liked my post :). I know! this is a great idea you had...

And I'm sure you will be just as cute as her! if not cuter.

We really should watch this movie sometime... maybe with Elisa? :) it's such a jood movie...

Aubrey Hepburn! haha, I really did like that movie though... I don't know why it's not as popular as the rest...

Can we both get a job here?

Oh lindsay... I sure do love you. you are wonderful. I could just eat you up. so, Elisa is hanging out with dumb ol' Calvin, because he's leaving tomorrow, so today was the only day... anyways, so I don't know how much Elisa told you, but she is free after 8:00 pm on wednesday (we were thinking of going to Woman In Black that night at the 10:10 or whenever showing...) and thursday she is free 'til 6:00 pm and Friday she's free 'til 9:00 pm and she can't do anything on saturday... so I think we should do it on friday... and the accordion is apperently coming on Friday, so maybe I could bring it. :)

so anyways, tell me watcha think. and please come to the movie!!! I don't hate you by the way, dad just called me in to lecture me about now that I'm 16 I'm rebellious, so I wasn't just off hating you or anything.... so, I guess I can make the cupcakes, and Elisa... i'm not sure... but she'll bring something I'm sure. and are you bringing sandwitches? I don't know... just tell me what you think.

I am so excited for the accordion to come!!!! it's going to be a party :). well, I'm suuuuper boring, so I guess I'll just stop talking now... but really though, come to the movie! it's my one dream to watch it with you...

well, I love you to china x 37,829,561!

Benjamin,

That was a lovely post. I could have cried... if I was that kind of a girl, you know....
I've missed this.
I'm glad it's going again.

Yep. I just did that.

(I don't know why I love this picture so much, but I just do...)

Ok... is this a joke? All of this stuff kills me. Cutest ever.

Ok. So you looked at the blog, right? Well first of all, where does she find these hats? I can't get over them.... Just scroll down and you'll see.

Also... can I please be as cute as her when I'm a mom?.... PLEASE?!?!?!

Benj. This is serious. I want to be just like her with a baby just like hers. I'm coveting. Fine.

I don't take any of it back so I hope I'm not going to Hell.

Ok. What else Benjamin? Here's what else. Our carpet flooded in our room. This guy came and ripped up the carpet, and put a fan under it. It was pretty funny. It was flapping all around. It was only funny for a little while though. I found out it was throwing every piece of dirt that ever touched that carpet, right onto our bed... and my pillow....

Needless to say, with the huge fan going, I haven't got much sleep the past couple nights. Once Jordan leaves in the morning, I come out on the couch and sleep for a couple of hours. True.

Something else that's fun. Chubbs and I have been reading Idylls of the King together :). It's the story of King Arthur, you know? It's so great. I'm not sure if he understands it all (it's a little complicated...), but he's being a champ about it and he's really trying. Also, I hope you know my little Arthur Leo is absolutely named after King Arthur. True.

So I made some cookies the other day. Biscoff white chocolate chip cookies. They were delicious.

I made taco soup two days ago.... for lunch. I've been eating it every meal since then. Believe it.

Chubbs took me to Hobby Lobby yesterday and we bought some yarn so Shiloh can teach me how to knit. I'm making (hopefully) the cutest baby blankie ever. We'll see.

So here's the deal. Seven peaks is selling their season passes for $29 right now instead of $49. Chubbs and I both got one :). We'll be tan as lions. I can't wait. I'm lovin' the sun. Just lovin' it. I just want to put on my swimsuit and go play in the sun all day long. It's soooo truuuuuue.

Ok Benj. They have this movie on Netflix that you should watch. It's a gem I found. It has Audrey Hepburn in it and I've never even heard of it! What on earth?... Ok. It's called How To Steal A Million. It's good. You'll like it.

Umm.... first of all, marry Elisa. Second, we have to go on a picnic on Tuesday. Also, we need to figure out what we're going to eat at the picnic. True or not true?....

Ok. You know the black bottom cupcakes on smitten kitchen? Those are the ones you should make and cover with those cutest little roses.... mainly because they just sound so good. Look them up. Now try and tell me you don't want them!.... Oh my!

Oh hey, guess what else? I've been drawing/writing in my cool journal again :). It's true!

Ok. Fine. I'm done. There you go. Love you to Grandma's house and back. 12x!